Building Rapport Is the First Step

Mission: Altruism
by Rebeca Olagaray

Lately, difficult times have hit us, in the U.S.A. with hurricanes falling over Houston and Puerto Rico. In Mexico, several places across the country have suffered terrible earthquakes:
Mexico City, Oaxaca, Chiapas, and Morelos.
So this situation has put us all to work.

     In Morelos, you could see disaster zones practically everywhere. So our ETA Chapter made a first approach by doing some field research. We visited Miacatlán, Coatetelco, Tehuixtla, Tlaquiltenango, Jojutla, and focussed on schools and their needs. We talked basically with directors, finding out their needs: many fallen stone walls, many different sized cracks on classrooms, breakfast for their students, help for their teachers that had lost their home, and so on. But with this first approach, we also found out that schools in those communities were official schools on the official SEP protocol, and getting involved in aid activities with them could mean getting involved and lost in bureaucracy.

     By that time our National ADK President in Mexico, Debby Dunhame had already got in touch with Rotary Club of Jardines de Cuernavaca. We began helping them with their deliveries of aid, and collaborating with them in three activities with children related to traditional festivities: on December 22, a Mexican posada with games and piñatas and bags of candy and fruit for 120 children on Tetecalilla; on January 6, the traditional Rosca de Reyes (Three Wise Men Cake) with 230 boxes with presents for the children of Amacuitlapilco; and on February 2, with 80 bags of stuffed animals and toys for children in El Pañuelo indian community. All of them belonged to very poor pheasant families that haven’t been alphabetized. Now that they have seen us, in case we are able to do any further labor with them, they will recognize us helping things flow more easily.

     This approach to people sets the the kind of rapport in which we befriend them with fun and happy activities. We could say this is a temporary rapport. If you disappear from their lives as soon as the activity ends, nothing happens. There is no further expectation.

     Another kind of rapport is established when you carry somehow the star of a promise on your forehead. When people sense this, the relationship may be established in two ways:

     One is that of the saviour and the victim, the one that extends the hand. Sometimes, in this case, the person who offers help may fall in the temptation of feeding his or her ego, and the person in the disaster case (like an earthquake) may get used to wait for aid and help -extending this situation indefinitely.

     On the other hand, the promise is based in a more horizontal relationship of colleagues: “I can do it” / “I will accompany you”. Participation levels are high on both sides. They are task oriented. 

     In the process of the rapport building of this horizontal relationship, there are, nevertheless, three important things that are to be taken into account and done: 

• It has been proven that the expectations you have from another person is what that person gives. If your expectations are high the person will be highly responsive. And this is mutual. The expectations a person has of him or herself is also a variable that may show up, but even in a case of low self-esteem high expectations bring forth high achievement. 
• It is important, therefore, to give a quick follow-up to the fulfilment of the expectations, in whichever part of the process it may be. If not, the enthusiasm may become deceit and restoring confidence may become point less than impossible -and collateral, horizontal participation that involves both sides is a must in order to achieve a self-sustaining effective project. Remember that the persona in a situation he or she wants to overcome has also high expectations of that promise: “They’ll help me to find the ways and means to grow independent.” As a matter of fact, this is the kind of aid a person that is not broken by a disaster situation wants. This link between the social volunteer and those in disaster zone is the one that arises synergy. 
• In any case, it is essential to begin by defining space to keep a good communication between the parts. To properly define the spaces involved, we formulate the question: “In whose space is...(the need, the achievement, he opinion, the feeling...?” In order to keep real the expectations we may have of one another, it is very important to define space together so everybody will be aware and know which are those expectations they are to fulfill. 

El mar es las olas
Por Antonio Luquín

“Sólo el polvo es indestructible.”

José Emilio Pacheco

   ¿De dónde sale tanto polvo? Y no acababa de contar la innumerable multiplicación del polvo que, conforme se aproximaba a mí llegaba transformado en rostros, cuerpos diminutos, brazos, piernitas y –sobre todo– ojos, entre agradecidos y suplicantes …manitas que esperan lo que sea.

   Lo que sea, puede suceder en México. Uno puede conversar animadamente en una fonda sin saber, quizá, que la persona a nuestro lado sea un sicario, un simpático matón a sueldo, y que éste sea el padre furtivo de quién sabe cuántos en quién sabe cuántas comunidades. 

   Y también puede uno encontrar pequeños de apenas 6 o 7 años que ayudan a sus padres en las labores del campo. La educación de la tierra los vuelve hombres a los 13 años y luego piedras, que a su vez se desmoronan y se vuelven polvo.

   La visita a la comunidad de San Gabriel Amacuitlapilco en el Estado de Morelos ha sido un privilegio para todos nosotros. Nos ha enseñado –recordado en realidad– que somos un país generoso y agradecido, un país donde dan más los que menos tienen y cuya alegría no radica en el recibir, sino en el dar (cualquiera de ellos nos habría llevado a su humilde casa a compartir frijoles y tortillas y hasta nos habría ofrecido hospedaje, de haberlo pedido).

   Al pueblo fantasma aquél al que llegamos le bastó una sola llamada para congregarse y convertirse en una marea de risas y expectación, porque el mar es las olas, mismo que llegó y nos revolcó para después retirarse a vivir los siglos, a donde van acompañados de un milagroso juguete que los habrá de seguir quién sabe cuántos años y hasta quizás hereden.